Eclipse Review
Posted: Wednesday, July 14, 2010 by sacul in
You'll hate
0
Guys, brace yourselves, for it's time of the year again (No you idiot, guys don't have periods) . Every guy in a couple dreads the release of a new Twilight movie, because no matter how buff he is, no matter how good looking he is, no matter how big his, er, hands are, he is nothing compared to the oh so white Edward (Seriously, is no one in the movie curious/suspicious as to how this family became so damn white) and the oh so buff Jacob sporting 8 packs, and not the beer kind. Chicks probably have to drag their other half to the cinema to catch this and repay them with sex. Well that is, until you find out this installment of the Twilight series is good, pretty damn good in fact. So guys, brace yourselves for three words that will make shake you to your very core, as well as question your manhood. No, it's not "Is it in ?", but in fact, 'Eclipse is good'. Eclipse is a very well paced movie, starting out slow, gaining pace, makes a sudden dash like Usain Bolt on steroids, and then slowing down at the very end (Kinda like a bedroom session, no?). The pacing in the movie was as perfect as it could get giving chicks what they came for with romance in abundance (Awwwww) leading up very well to a massive fight (Arghhhhhhhhh) and then ending again with romance (Ewww, oh I mean, Awwww). This movie also explored the rivalry between Edward and Jacob (I have a theory that they'll end up together, but that's for another day) like never before. I swear at one point I thought they were gonna pull a Brokeback Mountain, plus they were in a tent on a mountain, but alas, it didn't happen. The lengths some guys would go to get a girl is quite ridiculous (Trust me, this statement would be funny if you know me). Edward has her, Jacob wants her, and she herself doesn't loves them both and can't put this matter to bed (Not literally dumbass). The rest of the Cullen clan are also explained in the movie, their pasts and how they became white blood suckers with cool eyes and can live in a house together and go to school to become someone in the world (What ever happened to Count Dracula, cause he has got to be pretty pissed as to how gay vampires these days have become) . Anyway, Esme, Jasper, Carlisle and Alice are given alot more screen time this time around and if your a girl, odds are you'll find one of the guys sexy and if your a guy, you'll find one of the guys sexy (No, that was not a typo). The movie can be a bit of a turn off if you don't have a better half (Thats the girl), as there are a handful of romantic scenes, one involving a bed, and a room, get the picture ? So, if your intending to watch this with your parents, things are gonna get akward quickly. Also, if you haven't watched the previous two installments (If you haven't, don't bother picking it up, both of the movies are more boring than a game of chess with yourself), then you probably won't get the storyline and why this chick wants this chicks dead. Finally, if your a guy, Jacob doesn't seem to own a shirt. If your a girl, Jacob doesn't seem to own a shirt. Just a thought, if all the male werewolves (If you don't know what a werewolf is, you really shouldn't watch this movie) don't use shirts, then shouldn't the female werewolves do the same ?
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