the extreme narcissist

So what's new after my last post which was full of glee and happiness (THAT was sarcasm) ? A lot apparently, ALOT. So the World Cup concluded, so to the dozens of facebook statuses posted by people who don't really follow football and couldn't name 5 players on either team, let alone 11. So to the blaring noises of the vuvuzelas,  which were made available everywhere fro here to YouTube (Seriously, there was a widget to add a vuvuzela noise to any video you watch). I never got a vuvuzela =(. My favourite team Spain won, easily in fact, with passing so accurate that Rolex would be proud (Perhaps Xavi should be sponsored by Rolex, you know, with the accurate thing). The final was supposed to be a football match, the Dutch thought it was a karate competition, and started pulling out kung fu kicks (Perhaps they watched Karate Kid before the match, plus the Dutch coach one guy did kinda look like Jackie Chan, although I wasn't using my contacts at the time). Jet Li would've been proud of Nigel De Jong. Only one thing is left to be sorted, just one. I have to do something about it, and after that, life would as close to perfect as it could get, something I haven't felt in some time.

You know the old saying, when you get knocked , you gotta get up again ? Hmmm, perhaps that was a song. Anyway, what happens when before you get the chance to get up again, you get knocked down, over and over again, repeatedly.  I feel like running away, far far away. Where to ? It doesn't matter, anywhere but here. Depression isn't a state of mental illness, no, its a disease that plague very few, and to that very few who suffer from it know what I mean. It sucks that you get upset over every little thing that happens. It sucks you try to be happy but can't be. It sucks that you get upset over petty matters. It sucks that you can't do what you want to do with your life. It sucks that the only girl you like doesn't like you the same way. It sucks that your family is non-existent. 

I realized a little while ago that I am a hypocrite. What is a hypocrite you ask ? Well Einstein, get a dictionary. My posts about how you gotta get off your ass (Insert bleep Here) move on from exam results, the end of relationship etc was utter ullshit. Didn't read that ? Thanks for the support then. That was sarcasm by the way. What is sarcasm ? Well Einst- oh wait, I've said that already. Look up my post here :  http://theextremenarcissist.blogspot.com/2010/03/moving-on.html . You know what, it's utter bullshit (Insert Bleep Heere Too) and I would delete it but then I wouldn't be able to show it to you to tell you how wrong I was now would I ? You could move on, but you know what ? If you can't, it's ok to lie down and die (No, despite what you think, that wasn't sarcasm) (No, that wasn't reverse sarcasm either, really) (No, that too was-well this could go on for some time now, so I better stop). It's really okay if you can't move on, because moving on isn't hard, no, because if it was, everyone would have already moved on by now. EVERYONE. Because putting effort into moving on is easy, but sometimes, your emotions just don't permit you to move on, or you just aren't able to do so. I can't quite explain it, it's like how glue doesn't stick to the inside of a bottle (Don't go and google that and then tell me that you do know, smartass). And if your lucky, you'll find someone else who shares the same grief that you do (After all, sharing is caring) and you both can wallow in the stew of your self pity, wondering what went wrong and why it did go wrong. Do I sound pathetic ? Yes, I do. And yes, I just answered a question I aasked you. Oh well. But you know what, I'm tired of pretending, because that's what we all are right, pretenders, trying to fit into life like the pieces of the jigsaw. Well, I don't care if I don't fit in anymore. Hell, I'll be a one piece jigsaw if it means I speak what's really on my mind and not hide it somewhere between my dignity and my self conciousness. And you know what, I'm tired of being a hypocrite, like everyone else, pretending to be something your not. Act how you wnat to act, not how other people want you to.

I intend to write a book. I kid you not, and before you tell me how absurd my idea is, believe me, I know that what I intend to do is verging on impossible. But that hasn't stopped me before, dammit. What will my book be about ? I don't know. How will I publish it ? I don't know. Do I know the odds of my book even surviving the onslaught of the gruelling real world, filled with established authors, and up and comers with much better command of the english language than mine are slim ? Yes. Why do I keep asking myself questions ? Why do I keep using the same lines ? Everything seems a blur to me, and I honestly think this is my true calling. What I know for certain, is that I am commencing work on it now, and I intend to do the best I can. If nothing else interest me, then this is what I shall do. Sherlock olmes once said, If you eliminate all the suspects, whatever is left must be the answer. Logic my friend is your best friend. Put in on when you wake up, and take it off when you go to sleep, for only when you dream, only then, is when logic should be absent.